Dudes just don't dig bloodsuckers, since vampires pretty much look like girls. We prefer zombies, because we love chainsaws, flamethrowers, and samurai swords.
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And because, on some level, we know that besides being vehicles for sperm, our other important, if lesser, genetic imperative is to defend our loved ones from hordes of unthinking, flesh-eating metaphors for current social anxieties. To most guys, vampires are the monster movie equivalent of that sensitive man-sponge in college who plays acoustic guitar in order to seduce chicks. They're what you get when you cross your average Renaissance Fair enthusiast with a mosquito. And what's with their greatest weaknesses being most kinds of Italian food, Sunday school, and the sun, which helps flowers grow?
Why women find date-rapey parasites who wear capes compelling must have something to do with deeply primal fears. A vampire is a monster, who looks, acts, and talks like a man. Who is passionate, romantic, and tortured. To surrender to this character is to play with fire. The vampire, in many ways, is the prototype of the bad boy. Women love bad boys - they're exciting, and the chance to change him, to break him like a horse, must be an irresistible challenge.
If self-destruction weren't seductive on some superficial level, then no one would ever need rehab. But I am like most guys in that I am a fan of zombie flicks. I'm also a fan of alien and robot movies, but more often than not, it seems women are more adept at dispatching those. Zombie movies indulge male power-fulfillment fantasies. We enjoy pretending to be dragon-slaying knights or bad-guy-perforating cowboys or Bruce Willis, saving our ex-wife from a skyscraper full of terrorists. The Frisky: Compliments guys take as insults. Before any feminist blood vessels burst, let me explain that this fantasy goes hand-in-hand with a male-specific fear that speaks to ancient genetic programming.
That for all our swagger, testosterone, and machismo, we cannot protect those we love. The disaster call for women and children to evacuate first isn't chivalry, inasmuch as it's evolutionarily smarts. The women and children will continue the species; the men are disposable. We fear being useless, especially once we have issued forth our baby-making essence. The Frisky: Where all the good guys are.
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In " True Blood," the vampire Bill has decided to change himself, to fight his ferocious nature. He struggles to be a better, um, corpse.
But blood isn't the only thing he lusts after once he reconnects with a childhood friend and meets the man's beautiful wife. Kathryn Bigelow directed this Western-themed vampire road movie in which a young man gets involved in a roving group of modern-day vampires, who drive across the American West in RVs during the day and hunt at night. Adam Tom Hiddleston is a depressed musician who cannot handle the existential dread of everyday life. But a reunion with his devoted lover Eve Tilda Swinton reignites his passion for life—that is until her wild little sister comes in to shake things up.
Oh, and of course: They're vampires, having lived and loved and loathed humanity for centuries.
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Blood-suckers got a punk-rock spin with this late-'80s Joel Schumacher horror-comedy, in which two brothers Jason Patric and Corey Haim discover that their new town is controlled by a gang of vampires led by a bleach-blond Kiefer Sutherland. Catherine Deneuve plays a seductive immortal in early '80s New York City—a woman who is as stylish as she is beautiful.
When her companion David Bowie begins to fade, she sets her sights on a new lover: a doctor played by Susan Sarandon.
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Klaus Kinski and Isabelle Adjani star in Werner Herzog's remake of Murnau's Nosferatu , a stylistic marvel that earned critical acclaim and box office success across the world. Ana Lily Amirpour's directorial debut is described as "the first Iranian vampire Western. Guillermo del Toro launched his genre-bending career with this tale of an antiques dealer who discovers a 16th century contraption that stabs anyone who opens it, giving that person eternal youth. But it comes with a price—the desire for human blood—and a pair of men who are hunting for the device.
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The year-old Oskar lives a lonely life in Stockholm with his mother, where he's regularly bullied by his class mates. As Eli and Oskar begin a friendship and they hang out at night, Oskar soon realizes that his new friend isn't a cute young girl after all. Neil Jordan's adaptation of Anne Rice's novel is super '90s, with heartthrobs Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and Antonio Banderas playing brooding immortals dealing with the neuroses that comes with ever-lasting life and a desire for human blood.
It's probably one of the most homoerotic movies ever made, and it introduced the world to Kirsten Dunst, who plays a maniacal child vampire. And while the famed Godfather director's adaptation of the seminal vampire novel does teeter off the edge into vampire mania, it's still a lush, faithful, and star-studded version of the classic horror tale with Gary Oldman delivering a tour-de-force performance as the blood-sucking villain.
Robert Rodriguez directed this cult classic starring George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino who wrote the script as the bank-robbing Gecko brothers who cross the border into Mexico with hostages in tow.
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But when they arrive at the Titty Twister, a strip club in the middle of the desert, their hope for refuge is lost when the bar's patrons and employees are revealed to be vampires led by a ferocious queen, Santanico Pandemonium Salma Hayek. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. This Is the Dumbest Thing Ever. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. Columbia Pictures. Amazon iTunes A small Alaska town prepares for an annual polar night, a month-long period when the sun disappears from the horizon.
Hemdale Film Corporation. Euro International Film. Funny or Die. Amazon iTunes Flight of the Conchords ' Jermaine Clement co-wrote, co-directed, and co-starred in this comedy alongside Thor: Ragnarok director Taika Waititi as 8,year-old vampires who share a flat in Wellington, New Zealand.
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Amazon iTunes F. Amazon iTunes Roman Polanski directed and starred in this spoofy comedy, which also featured his future wife Sharon Tate, playing the bumbling apprentice to a vampire hunter named Professor Abronsius. New Line Cinema. Amazon iTunes Often unrecognized as the first successful Marvel Entertainment production, Blade stars Wesley Snipes as the titular superhero: a half-vampire who possesses superhuman abilities and uses his powers to fight against the race of vampires led by Deacon Frost Stephen Dorff , who aims to defeat humanity and control the world.
Focus Features. DeLaurentiis Entertainment Group. Sony Pictures Classics. Amazon iTunes Adam Tom Hiddleston is a depressed musician who cannot handle the existential dread of everyday life.